“Transformation in the world happens when people are healed and start investing in other people.” ~~ Michael W. Smith
Lately, I feel different. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I am definitely different. Maybe it’s a culmination of everything I’ve been through these past two years with my health, but something has definitely changed within me. It’s affected every aspect of me, and it’s a bit scary…though I kind of like it at the same time.
These past few months, I’ve been slowly letting go of things which do not serve me. Things that are potentially keeping me from getting my health back on track because they bring more stress to my life. Unfortunately, this has meant giving up several things that mean so much to me, most especially teaching regular yoga classes.
This has been the toughest decision I’ve had to make in a LONG time. I’ve been teaching yoga classes regularly since 2002. That’s 11 years! It’s how most people know me, to be honest. It’s who I am!
But over these past few months, it’s been difficult for me to to teach. Some of it stems from simply not feeling well. Various side effects from my medical treatment have made it difficult for my body to move in the ways it needs to, even just to demo a pose.
But some of the difficulty is also coming from my state of mind, to be honest. Because I am so consumed with my own “stuff”, I feel like I haven’t been able to provide my students with the time and attention they need and deserve. No one has complained to me about it, and for all I know, no one but me sees anything different in the way I’ve been teaching. But I definitely feel like I’ve been on autopilot for quite some time, and I’ve finally reached a point where I feel drained completely. Like I have nothing left to give. And if I can’t “fill up my cup”, so to speak, I’m no good to anyone, don’t you agree?
It’s only been a few days, but I’ve already noticed that I am starting to feel physically better. I think I am even starting to notice a transformation in my life in other ways. For example, when asked what I want for Christmas, for the first time ever I honestly don’t really want anything. I mean, I could certainly name some things that would be nice, but I honestly would rather not get any gifts that cost money. I’d much rather use the money for someone else who really needs it. When I start to think about what I really want, all I can think about is simplicity, family and good health. That’s it. That’s all I want. Then…then, I will be able to truly serve others in the way I am meant to.